What Men Need + What Women Want = World Without Men

Men should at least pretend that women are part of the human race and should not be beaten, scarred or raped

I am sure you would like to know what that formula stands for, dear reader, but you will have to bear with me a little while I vent my anger and release it into space, or I might be forced to commit murder. On the other hand, I don’t want anything tampering with my housekeeping allowance. Indeed, I am so cross now my mouth is shut tight, my brows are in a deep scowl, and my eyes are so crossed they are literally looking at each other balefully. That is how mad I am about the spate of rapes weaving across the land: boys raping girls, men raping little girls, old men raping toddlers, young men raping old women, young men raping mad women, fathers raping daughters, fathers impregnating their daughters, fathers having multiple children by their daughters… Oh men, what is going on?! Why is it always the men?!

Not too long ago, one of my readers, presumably a male, wrote in and asked me to say something on the rising wave of rape in the land. Then, it had not quite risen to the popularity it has since assumed in the country. I declined to because I felt rape is really best left to the police while we citizens concentrate on searching for money to purchase gari. Alas, my thoughts were misplaced, just like my hopes. The police are too busy with em, internal problems, to take much notice of rape. In short the police have failed in their duty to sufficiently frighten the men into totally submitting their libidinal will to reason. So, I have no choice but to pick up my pen, err, computer.

True, there are natural expectations on both sides of the sex divide. Take the men; they expect their women to provide the 4Cs: cooking, cleaning, childbearing and companionship. They are What Men Need (WMN). As I always say, most men cannot boil water without burning it. And the woman who manages to burn food once in a year is taken to the cleaners. ‘Why is this food tasting burnt? Did you travel while you were cooking it? Do you know how much I worked to provide the money for it? You should go out and work and let me do the cooking.’ As Fela knew very well, ‘that na shakara’. Still, men take it for granted that women are taught these things in heaven before they descend to earth. That’s why they marry women who look like their mothers: they take the abilities in the chosen ones for granted because such women are primed to fulfil these needs for men. Who says cloning does not work? As soon as a female child is born, the father takes a good look at its arms to be sure they have sufficient crooks in them and the hips to be sure they are sufficiently wide enough and he nods to himself, ‘this one will fulfil her heavenly roles well.’ Obviously, men no longer see beyond their needs any more. Is this why some among them would even proceed to test their daughters’ role readiness by raping/sleeping with them? Haba! Please!

In the interest of peace, and also to maintain world order, women go along and provide men’s needs, believing that men in turn know what women want and provide it. Women take it for granted also that men are primed from heaven to fulfil the wants of women. This is why the birthing women take a good look at the arms of the new born male to be sure they have enough strength in them to actualise some woman’s wants someday. They also check if his fingers can crook well enough to cock a gun some day. Tough world we are in, no? The difference is that women only stay at ensuring; they do not test. At least, we have not heard of a woman who sets out to have children by her male son. I have not said it does not happen; I only said we have not heard. As a father said to his son one day, ‘I have not said ‘don’t steal’; just don’t get caught.’ Seriously.

The trouble is that, in spite of the strong arms and all, men still do not seem to know what women want. Once, men thought that if they dragged food home to the family, all would be right with the world. The women soon put them right there by dragging home sometimes bigger food. That’s why some women have come to now earn more than their husbands. Then the men thought if they built strong shelters for the family, keep out the wild elements and provide protection, all would be well. But the Cecilia Ibrus of this world soon set their minds at rest on that score. She and her ilk told them they could go hang with their shelters by procuring same in their hundreds. And I said ‘Tell ‘em, sister!’ No, no, don’t get me wrong; I do not condone fraud but there’s just something about that spirit… So now, men are at a loss as to what exactly women want. And you know, when men are confused, they resort to… The story goes that the women had taken over the administration of a certain city and, to the consternation of the men, were even preparing to go to war for the city. The men simply got together to hatch a plan. They collectively got all the women pregnant and went their own merry way to fight their war themselves.

Obviously now, there is an impasse: women know what men need (WMN) but men do not know what women want (WWW). To make up for their lack of knowledge and total confusion, men have been going around employing and displaying their strength in the market place. Imagine that. Good wine, they say, needs no bush. When a man begins to regard rape as an instrument of office and manhood, then he belongs in Jupiter where the people there do not ask questions, just like the early American settlers. Perhaps, that will mean evacuating all the men into outer space and have a world without men (WWM), who cares? If that is what we need to give the women what they want, then the price may be just right.

So, what do women want really? Oh, wouldn’t I just like to know! One day, all a woman wants is to look delectable, have the means to look delectable, and be seen and appreciated by her chosen one to look delectable. Another day, when the fancy takes her, what she wants is to be appreciated for her brains. So she barges into boardrooms and causes a war or takes over, into corporate offices and becomes the boss, or wanders into some poor government official’s heart and takes over his job. Ask our politicians. Naturally, the men’s retaliatory weapon of hate is rape. When that happens, you just know it is a statement against all womankind. This is why the women are calling for the heads of the men in the formula: WMN + WWW = WWM (What Men Need + What Women Want = World Without Men). If the women cannot get that, let us try the next best thing.

Let us try giving the female folk respect, from the littlest of them to the oldest. In this case, respect means consideration. Men should at least pretend that women are part of the human race and should not be beaten, scarred or raped. They should be treated with the utmost courtesy and nurtured carefully: i.e., given compliments, assistance, real love (not some pretentious thing) and companionship. After all, it is only wise to respect where one’s food comes from, especially if all one can do is burn water.

Anthony-Claret Onwutalobi
Anthony-Claret is a software Engineer, entrepreneur and the founder of Codewit INC and CEO of Portia Web Solutions. Mr. Claret publishes and manages the content on Codewit Word News website and associated websits. He's a writer, IT Expert, great administrator, technology enthusiast, social media lover and all around digital guy.

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